Mr. Devil? I'd Like My Soul Back, Please.
Growing up usually parallels with a lot of conforming to things I don't want, in an effort to calm those who are close and might not like my truer desires and personal ideas. It's called compromise. I do it to a point though, and then there's a line. I realized one day I was actually doing a disservice to those I loved when I complied too much with their wishes and disregarded my own. It also caused me to lie to myself, which eventually always ended badly for everybody. When I'm going through the motions to please and repressing my heart, it's always come to the surface with a vengeance. And it's always burned somebody. It was hard to find that balance, too. And on that note, we're all sort of expected to lose a little bit of our soul as we get older and have more obligations, aren't we?
When I hide what I'm feeling and repress what I really want to be doing, I'm actually insulting those I think I'm protecting. That's like saying, "I don't trust you enough to be the person I knew when we first met and I don't think you're capable of handling who I am." And that leads to watering down my true nature in an effort to appear more suitable to what expectations I'm apparently trying to uphold.
Do you know how screwed up that is? That's setting myself up to slowly lose respect for that person while setting that person up to become weak and oblivious. It screams that I've forgotten the initial reason I had a bond with that person in the first place. And that makes me an insecure liar. I'm ashamed I ever did that to anybody or to myself. I won't anymore.
The path towards fixing those kinds of mistakes and getting my old, spunky soul back does cause some chaos, but I've learned to tear down the things that aren't working in order to build something greater. That's what experience and getting older is for. We became bonded with people like this for a reason. There was a time when those who are supposedly so close were actually turned on by that inner fire. It's time to go get my soul back from that old devil.
When I hide what I'm feeling and repress what I really want to be doing, I'm actually insulting those I think I'm protecting. That's like saying, "I don't trust you enough to be the person I knew when we first met and I don't think you're capable of handling who I am." And that leads to watering down my true nature in an effort to appear more suitable to what expectations I'm apparently trying to uphold.
Do you know how screwed up that is? That's setting myself up to slowly lose respect for that person while setting that person up to become weak and oblivious. It screams that I've forgotten the initial reason I had a bond with that person in the first place. And that makes me an insecure liar. I'm ashamed I ever did that to anybody or to myself. I won't anymore.
The path towards fixing those kinds of mistakes and getting my old, spunky soul back does cause some chaos, but I've learned to tear down the things that aren't working in order to build something greater. That's what experience and getting older is for. We became bonded with people like this for a reason. There was a time when those who are supposedly so close were actually turned on by that inner fire. It's time to go get my soul back from that old devil.
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