Narrowcasting & Dichotomous Thinking

I'm a person who thinks in a very all encompassing way over any subject, so small talk & the usual tunnel vision type conversations tend to make me sleepy. I find it troublesome to have intimate conversations about politics, religion, love, the economy.. it seems to become strained in most scenarios. Therefore, I have a tendency to size up the person I'm about to talk to in my head and find attributes that might give away whether or not that hypothetical conversation would simply be a waste of time. And so, I'm guilty of premeditated judgment before I give it a chance, based on a five minute scan of someone's presence, emotional displays, and what I immediately see in his or her eyes. I need to work on this. I've avoided many conversation scenarios and I've probably missed out on some interesting things because of it. What a hypocritical thing for me to do, considering I advertise that I love social interaction and learning new things. 

I'm not a dichotomous thinker, and this makes me desire avoiding shallow interactions. But there I am, being shallow in my five minute judgment calls. So how narrow minded am I being? People require more than five minutes. Our society has been set up on an immediate gratification scale that has made us too busy and too fast to be attentive anymore. Since it takes time to get to know someone on an individual (and realistic) basis, it's easy to further ostracize ourselves from social and emotional intimacy. It leads us towards becoming insensitive and apathetic. Of course, we do have to shield ourselves to a degree when it comes to that, or we could simply drown in the suffering of thousands, but that's where it's necessary to break free from that tunnel vision and learn to balance. I can sympathize, understand and nurture to a degree, but not past the point of my own survival and well being. I am not perfect in my compassion. And although it's pragmatic in its balancing act, it's not something that's easy to admit. I want to be considered a good person. 

Dichotomous thinking, for those unaware, is the tendency to think in black and white, good or bad, positive or negative- and absolutely nothing in between. Narrowcasting Reality is a term used in psychology referring to those who have tunnel vision in their ideas and beliefs. Both these things are present in borderline personality disorder. They're also present in those who tend to stay chronically depressed or angry. The inclination to believe things are either this way or that, and there is no room for shades of gray, will eventually cause stress in some way. People who actively practice true compassion and more relaxed judgement of situations and one another end up with a less miserable life. It's been proven over and over. 

One of the best ways I've personally found to exercise this is to check myself and admit when I'm being hypocritical. While it's impossible to never be hypocritical in life, becoming more aware of it and staying on a learning path is definitely achievable. For what reason do we exist here if it's not to learn and become better people? Becoming better means exiting comfort zones, challenging social norms we all grew up with, and paying more attention to each other. One of the biggest reasons, I believe, we misunderstand each other so much is because the ability to listen has vanished over the years. Our minds and our technology develops faster than our bodies. In the midst of all that development, we forget how to listen. 

Listening isn't trying to figure out a comeback or answer in your head before the person talking to you has finished. It's learning to relax & forget your own conversational insecurities and allowing that other person to completely finish what they're trying to say. It's being okay with silence and pauses in communication. We don't all live on a radio show. And then there's subliminal communication that lives in pheromones and body language. It has been scientifically proven that a mentally stable and healthy man will lose his sex drive when a woman sheds honest, real tears. Her pheromones are present and released through tears, causing any decent man to respond with compassion instead of a primitive drive to copulate. If we can understand and be responsive on such a quiet, subconscious level, we can surely learn to pay more attention to each other on purpose. 

There's a lot to heal in this world. It can seem overwhelming and impossible. A good place to start for me has been in my own head and heart. I know there's a lot I need to change and learn about myself, and it may take a long time, but I like a challenge. It keeps me from psychologically shutting down, which keeps me from being a miserable and unhappy person. Being lazy, for me, is something that makes me mentally miserable. And being lazy is more than just sitting around. It's avoiding conversations because I've become too quick to make that five minute judgment call. I must stop doing that immediately. I've seen people do it in situations where they're afraid of getting hit on by someone they're not attracted to, as an example. Why assume someone's intentions are sexual simply because they're trying to talk to you? And why get immediately defensive? I think we all have a lot to learn about each other. 

The only time I've seen tunnel vision to be effective is while working. At a job. And even then, there should be room for expansion. A good, solid focus on one thing at a time is good. But believing that focus can't be slightly bent when it needs to be can be limiting. So you see, there is no good or bad, black or white, positive or negative anything. It all constantly turns and moves in its efforts to become better and win.