The True Alpha Female Isn't Who You Think She Is

There's a myth that Alpha Female refers to a lady who seizes any opportunity to manipulatively assert her dominance in social situations, throw masculine power plays in career situations, or pull out the gender equality card if she notices she's not getting her way. Alpha women have been misunderstood for years and confused with those who use the parlor tricks of a mental case in order to win their way to the front lines. True Alpha women know this is only a temporary fix won out of desperation, and that throne of sticks will eventually rot away.

While most of us might not find the concept very attractive, groups of people do operate in hierarchies. A group of people becomes its own organism; a completely new animal functioning on the assigned places of each person involved. Everybody has their job, and those jobs (if working like they're supposed to) sustain the health and life of the organism (group). But in those groups will always be those in the back with the lowest tier positions trying to fight their way to the front. And so the organism changes constantly, with an ebb and flow of drama and release. This is simple human nature.

Most of us are social creatures. Those hell bent on ostracizing themselves from society completely (I'm talking extremes here) are usually the ones you see on the news after about fifty random people have been shot in a park square. But most people aren't that much of a basket case. We all have our issues, and some of us are even determined we're so different and estranged from everyone else that we can't have anything to do with society. But even those kids are forming their own groups and subcultures. They're just a little edgier. And within all those little cliques, you're going to come across an alpha female. As a matter of fact, you'll probably find several. (It isn't a concrete rule that there's only one to a group.) But I'll lay down money on my guess that most people will not recognize her.

One of the purest forms of alpha female behavior is displayed if you watch a pack of wolves. Their alpha status isn't aggressively taken; it's an inheritance and is based on family position. The mother and father retain their alpha positions for life, and any cub bearing a litter of its own automatically assumes that status in the future. The purpose of an alpha female is to protect and ensure the survival of her family. And if you watch closely, you'll see she rarely bares her teeth- unless one of her pack is in danger of suffering fatality. Human alpha women are very similar, and most of them are mothers. Not all, but it's an almost automatic privilege granted the minute a child breathes its first breath of air.

We're not born alpha. We learn it over time. And it has nothing to do with being bossy. It has everything to do with loving our friends and families so much we'd courageously take a bullet in the face for them. We want to make sure the people we love are protected, nurtured and encouraged to be their best. Everything we do in life revolves around encouraging or nurturing someone else. While it may look like we're just trying to position ourselves to our own benefit, we're only trying to become an example for someone we care about. If we take a notion to accomplish something difficult without asking for help, it's not because we're too proud to ask for help. It's usually because we know people are busy and we'd like to get it done without waiting around. There's usually a time limit on things; this world turns pretty fast.

Alpha women are determined to uplift other women instead of shaming them, as is usually believed. A true alpha woman is not generally a loner, and so she values the companionship of other women and the experiences, lessons, and resources they offer. It's not a good plan to excommunicate yourself from those who could be very powerful and healthy influences in your life. Alpha women understand jealousy is a fleeting delusion. Women who use manipulation tactics to mentally break down, shame, or control other women are not alphas. They're simply insecure women who are using instinctual fear as a justification for bad manners. Alpha women have usually made it to a point in their lives where they're entirely comfortable in their own skin, and are comfortable taking charge and making decisions when someone needs to. At the same time, they're not insensitive to others around them who want to problem solve, either. We're not living in the Apocalypse where zombies are threatening our lives & we have to take on the role of Negan in The Walking Dead. To the true alpha, no situation is so dire that it cannot be figured out without the need for establishing a gorilla-like display of dominance. If you pay attention, you'll see that alpha has nothing to do with brawn. It has everything to do with brains, presence, and loyalty to a love for humanity. We're not mounting our horses with a back sack of poison arrows and engaging in war. We're trying to help those we love, and we're constantly making allies.

These women put themselves out there, and they march to their own beat. They're not afraid to show vulnerability, as it is a powerful tool in itself. They're calm and are not ashamed of their own femininity.

Femininity is not something to be embarrassed about. Being feminine does not mean the same thing as being weak. Because of a few extremist groups that have broken off from our current state of feminist politics, there has been born the illusion that you've got to act like a man in order to be taken seriously. I like being a woman. I love my femininity. I think its something very attractive, charming and intense. I am grateful that I possess it, and don't find the least bit limiting in my life. I have never met a man who's been able to make me feel ashamed of my femininity. When I get treated as a lesser individual because if it, I understand that person just happens to be a lesser man. I can't do anything about someone else's mental issues, as I'm not a psychologist. And so I move on without looking back. This is another thing alpha women are good at; leaving relationships that aren't healthy. We don't have the need to "fix" anyone. Now don't be fooled; it took us a long time to learn this lesson.

True alpha women know that being pushy, bossy or crass in order to gain respect is a problematic maneuver that will only cause a downward spiral. People don't respond well to it, man or woman, and you'll be fighting for the rest of your life. The only sure way to gain respect is to respect other people, but without allowing anyone to run you over. It's a delicate balance. This life is a delicate dance.

And so, in humanity, the true alpha female is not some loud, pushy woman with a selfish agenda. She's a protective, loving decision maker, and her job is to uplift rather than to cause damage. Damage is contradictory to the survival of a family, circle of friends, or professional partners. If we rely too heavily on media to tell us what's what, our idea of alpha will always be twisted into our definition of a jerk. We'll believe passive aggressive behavior is somehow political correctness, and we'll watch "personal strength" slowly turn into nothing but self absorption. Don't be afraid of the true alpha. She's not coming at you with barred teeth and a chip on her shoulder. That's some lady who just got released from the psyche ward. Alpha is offering you everything she has; her friendship, her support, and her loyalty. I don't know where we all were when we finally decided alphas were the village idiots; maybe it was when frat kids in 80s movies were shoving passive little boys in lockers & toilets. Maybe it was when guys calling themselves PUAs were directing shy teenagers to start dressing like peacocks and embarrassing their friends in a ploy to get laid by little girls who were just as insecure. I don't know. I just think we've gotten off course somewhere. I hope people can one day stop buying into the propaganda that spins femininity into weakness and selfishness into strength. These things are dangerous, and they're causing gender wars that will eventually break down our natural alliances. I'm not suggesting we go back to the 50's lifestyles of Mad Men, but I am suggesting we quit hating each other because of a few bad apples and believing everything we see in social media.